Dear those who cannot yet say goodbye to a toxic relationship,
I know you. To be honest, I was you a couple of years ago. We’ve all done it before, I’ve seen my friends do exactly what you are doing. Dragging out a relationship that has clearly stopped working. It is hard to see what’s best for yourself when you are so invested in a relationship. You often lose who you are and what you want along the way. It’s easy to forget to make yourself and your happiness a priority. It’s like you can’t even be yourself anymore, it’s gotten to a point where you must cautious of what you do. Your significant other is “keeping score” of all the mistakes you have done. Bringing up your past mistakes in the relationship to blame you. It has become a battle of who screwed up the most over the entire span of the relationship. Using your past to justify that they are currently more righteous therefore they don’t owe you anything. Now the arguments have gotten more frequent, whether it’s one main problem that's recurring or small disputes that have slowly built up. With your partner telling you they’ll change only for it to happen again and again. Foolishly believing the empty words that meant so much. There have been breakups that “are for real” this time, that merely lasted for a few days or maybe even a few hours. You certainly are not the only one that is stuck in this never-ending cycle. You can’t help but give into the monster inside of you, you yell back and defend. Claiming that they don’t know how your relationship is, how your partner is different when they’re around you. It’s not your fault, but you do need to take a step back and realize the reality.
I know it is hard and easier said than done. I know it’s hard to believe that your relationship is toxic. I mean how could it be? It started out so perfect. It started out like any other healthy relationships it was a love story straight out of your dreams. How can you end a relationship with someone who understands you so well? Why would you not want to be with someone who loves you just as much as you love them? You truly and honestly believed that this person is right for you, it would be silly to let them go. You rather deal with the pain that comes with a toxic relationship than the pain of letting go of the person you love. Know there is nothing wrong with accepting the fact that the relationship is no longer a healthy one. Even if you cannot imagine your life without the person, with time and space you will see your relationship as it was. Your partner should not be viewed as assets but a person who you can share mutual support. Like the phrase goes, good alone but better together. In no way am I pretending that I know the answers to your problem. I am not saying this is a situation where it can be easily resolved. Matters of the heart is always something that cannot be resolved easily and quickly. Although it might not seem like it, human emotions are very difficult to understand and grasp. My feeling of love is probably different from yours. My point is no one can truly understand how you feel but you. If there is anything, I learned from my past it is that just because you love someone, it does not necessarily mean you have to be with them.
We grow up in a society that fills our heads with these unrealistic fantasies. From movies to books we are taught that love is a perfect and wonderful thing. We are taught that we need a man or a woman to be happy. We are taught to objectify men and women. Society acts like having a significant other somehow is automatically supposed to make us complete. That our sole purpose in life is finding the perfect person to love and spend the rest of our lives with. We grow up in a society that says relationships are based on a desire for happiness and your own fulfillment. But when the feelings fade, and the fulfillment has been filled, we tend to move on to the next person trying to get the same thing out of them. The cycle keeps repeating and eventually becomes a problem.
But you know what? Society lies, you don’t need a man or a woman to be happy. Everyone seems to think being single is a big issue in life. That if you don’t find someone by the time you’re 30, you’ll forever be alone. Despite what society has filled our heads with, being single should be praised just as much as being in a relationship. Even though being single has negative connotations there are positives to being single. For one, being single gives you freedom. Independence is a scary thing however you can do whatever you want and when you want to. You are able to do anything and everything you want. Don’t let this opportunity go, live life on your own terms. You can travel or even pick up a new hobbie, my point is you are not going to be single forever. Enjoy your freedom and don’t feel guilty about it. It gives you more time to learn about yourself and to work on yourself. Afterall, the most important relationship you’ll have is with yourself. If the relationship with yourself isn’t a healthy one, all your other relationships won't be. It is extremely difficult to find a healthy and happy relationship if you yourself don’t know exactly what that means. Being aware of of your interests, likes, and dislikes keep you out of relationships that don’t align with you. It sure does save you from many headaches and heartaches. It also shows that you are not willing to settle for less. I am in no way telling you how to live your life, your relationship status is up to you. Being single or being in a relationship is not a one size fits all situation. Some people function better in a relationship some do not. It’s good to be in a relationship, a healthy one that is and it’s also perfectly fine to be single. Don’t let society dictate what you choose to do, no matter what society is going to have an opinion on it. Don’t mind those opinions, live your life and do whatever makes you happy.
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