First off I want to apologize for the countless cancellations, the missed parties, the unanswered texts, and phone calls. Those times I said I was going to be somewhere but never showed up. I'm sorry. I was fighting a battle that you had no clue about. You thought I never cared. I never let you know how much I wanted to be at that party, that dinner, that art exhibit. Instead of calling you back, I was too busy picking apart how awful my voice sounded. Instead of going out to your birthday party, I was crying in front of the mirror because I knew everyone would stare at how hideous my nose looked that day. I was crippled by my body dysmorphia and social anxiety. I let the disease sink into my heart and ruin relationships that I so desperately needed.
As I continue to battle my demons, I am realizing more and more that all the time I spent in front of the mirror picking myself apart could have been spent with people that would lift me up and show me the love I could not give myself. I realize that what I see in the mirror is not what other's see. That is just my disease trying to make me weak. The stronger I get, the smaller my demons get and the more I accept myself for my uniqueness and beauty. The stronger I get, I know that my thoughts and energies are unique and flawless. The stronger I get, the more I know that I do not need to worry about being accepted, just as long as I accept myself.
Again, I want to let you know that I love and care for you. I didn't continually cancel our plans because I didn't like or care for you. I was battling a hidden disease that I let take hold of me and ruin my relationships. Please know that I still struggle but am getting better every day. Please don't give up on me, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.