AN OPEN LETTER TO BRANDON
It has been five years and I’ve spent the past four thinking about you. I don’t know if you are aware, but since you crossed my path (literally) my life has been extremely difficult. I was for a lack of better terms forced to grow up. I am grateful for all my trials and tribulations, but it wasn’t always like that. I’ve blamed you for a lot, well pretty much everything. It was only until I hit rock bottom that I realized this:
You see everything that I have done over the past four years good and bad have somehow been impacted by November 2nd 2011. The hurt and pain you caused consumed me. It became who I was, a hurt individual; I allowed myself to get lost in struggle! There came a point in my life where I was living with about eight other people in an apartment. I was in debt, broke, depressed and angry at the same god forsaken time! I found myself crying on the floor of the bathroom because I truly wanted to give up. I couldn’t fathom the thought that this was it, all life had to offer me was misery and pain. Just as expected you popped up in my thoughts! I never knew the amount of anger I had towards you till that day; I got myself up off the floor and looked in the mirror. It wasn’t a pretty sight! Words cannot describe what I saw as my reflection, I’m not sure about a lot but I’m positive that I wasn’t looking at myself.
They say all things come to an end. You made the first move in this situation and I have decided to make the last. I thought about what you could have been doing that night; I created so many scenarios in my head and nothing came close to what I was doing that night. You were probably somewhere in Brooklyn making a toast to the good life. I was hurting beyond your wildest dreams. I contemplated giving up on myself, on my life, my dreams, my awaiting happy moments, my future, my goals, my family and my grandmother! I was seriously about to give it all up when I realized it’s not me I need to give up on, it’s YOU! It was at that moment that I let go. I thought I needed some type of apology from you to be able to be complete, to stop the pain but that’s not the case at all. I don’t need an apology from you because I let go, I forgive you!
I wish you happiness, in all aspects of life. I hope that you have learned from your actions, and I pray to the universe that you never commit the same mistake twice. I hope your heart heals if you’re hurting and love is all you feel. This letter seals the deal. I’m publicly accepting the apology you never gave me, I forgive you. When you read this I hope you understand that one of the hardest things I’ve had to do is forgive a person who isn’t sorry, but it has been the best year of my life. I let you go and as we approach the official fifth year anniversary if for whatever reason you are holding on, please let me go.
ASHLEYCM