Sometimes I imagine you have died.
I know that is a little harsh but it's not too far from the truth, it's only a ghost of your former self I have to see haunt my news feed. You got a tattoo? You smoke cigarettes? I don't recognize you anymore, but just think how much easier it would be for me if you ceased to exist. Okay maybe too melodramatic but then I wouldn't have to see your happy smiling face all the time and wonder why I wasn't good enough for you anymore. Why one day I woke up and realized I wasn't the person you turned to anymore, and although my life was a mess I didn't know you well enough anymore to tell you. I didn't know you well enough. I have known you for 6 years and suddenly you were a stranger.
Sometimes I wish you had died.
Because at least then I could mourn...
Broken Hearts
We have so many memories, that I don't know where to start. We were so young when we first met that no one thought we'd last. You were my first everything, not just love. You were the first boy to kiss me, make me cry, comfort me when my family got crazy, tell me I was beautiful just the way I am, and you were the first person I was intimate with. You were my first love.
I also tried to be all those things for you, but I just didn't feel adequate. You were wonderful and I was sub-parr. You never made me feel that way. It was self imposed I know, but it was there. It lurked in the back if my mind and eventually lead me to break your heart. I'm truly sorry for that, but I was convinced that there was someone else out there for you and I both.
So I went on to college and had my fun....
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I always thought it was me; I was the reason you left. Even though I blamed myself, I still waited for you. I waited to see if maybe, just maybe, you would pull into my driveway and apologize for all the lost time. You never did. Instead you fooled me. You made me come looking for you. Once I found you, I found out how you really were. You manipulated me. You hurt me. You hurt my siblings. You torn us apart just so YOU could be "happy." You left a hole in my heart, that nobody can ever heal. You made me believe that you were a good person, but in the end, you were just another member of Satan's clan. Instead of you being there, my siblings, friends, and parents of friends had to fill in your place and try to take your position because you were too lazy to step up to the plate of...
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Dear U KNOW WHO U R,
I thought I would write you this letter mainly for the reason to see if I could make any sense of the last year’s events and find some answers to my endless line of questions. Having found out a couple of days before Christmas that I have been living a lie for over a year I feel the need to blame someone, and I choose you. By writing this this open letter I want to liberate myself from you. There is also something very comforting in knowing that your pain is shared.
What was it? What did you try to do? Was it to relive your youth, experience a bit of excitement on the side? Was your life boring? Grown up children leaving the nest, perhaps no sex with your wedded half? I bet you didn’t include him in the aftermath, just went back to your comfortable life, leaving...
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Ex:1 We were in six grade when we dated. We do not talk anymore.
Ex: 2 Your my boyfriend now. I hate myself for it... You only want my happiness but I don't love you.
Ex: 3 Our relationship was a joke. Nothing good came out of it and nothing bad did either.
Ex:4 You hurt me.... Bad. Your the reason my family moved away from town. Your the reason I wanted to give up.
Ex: 5 I will always hold a place for you in my heart. I carried our daughter for nine months and she's the best thing in my life. I don't think I could forgive you for what you said to me and about me. I dont know if you were lying then.... Or now. I miss you. My current boyfriend wants to fill your spot as a boyfriend and father. I will not let him and I hate him for it. Your young so you don't understand. I will always...
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Dear love,
I can still imagine you in my room when i sit here alone, even when I have company all I'm thinking about is you. How your laugh brightened my days and how your lips toke my breath away. How we could talk for hours and id never get tired of it. How when I held your hands, it just felt perfect. Your small hands that disappeared underneath mine, you always joked about how silly it was but i loved it. How your body felt pressed against mine when i held you close. And how now all i have from that is memories. Some good, some bad. But to me the good out weighed the bad tenfold.
I blame myself for our falling out. I had my issues that i needed to fix but I thought I could push it away and that being with you would fix me. It felt that way. Every kiss saved me. Every touch made...
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5 Years ago today...
I remember the feeling like it was yesterday. My stomach was in knots, I felt like I was going to vomit and my stress level was maxed out. Between the decorations, the rehearsal, the dresses, hair.... and the fact that I had gained weight and my dress didn't fit properly anymore definitely didn't help things. I remember being to the point of tears by the time the night was over. I remember everyone reassuring me that the details didn't matter because I was still going to be married to the love of my life by the end of the next day. They were right! (I thought)...
I remember lying in bed that night, still stressing, thinking of all of the things that we still had to do, what time I had to be at the church the next morning. "Did I tell everyone what time to...
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My whole life I had been searching for someone who would love me and make me complete. Yet every time I found the guy who might be the one, He always ended up leaving. I thought of it as a curse that no matter what I do no guy I fall for will ever stay. And boy I fell for you hard. So naturally I expected you to leave, Which you tried to do just before I begged and begged for one week to change your mind. It had finally dawned on me what I'd been doing wrong and I finally know what had to be done. But it was too late. I'd pushed you away. So even though you agreed to give me a week to change your mind, I couldn't make it passed 2 days. I knew that that week wasn't what you wanted and it killed me to trap you for longer than I already had, so I told you goodbye. I got the answers I needed...
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Hi there Pigeon
So at the time of writing it has been nearly 4 months to the day since you called me. Now that I have a fair bit of time and distance from everything that happened I can honestly say I miss you every day and still love you as much as ever. However, I don't want to get back together and I don't want to cause you problems. I understand why you broke things off (even if I don't agree). I understand exactly why you acted the way you did when you broke it off and about our conversations shortly after (even if I don't agree). So this letter may seem redundant, but to me it is essential.
Like you, I have struggled my whole life with depression and anxiety. These problems have become worse in the last year, and I am making positive changes to correct them. However, when...
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Dear Keeper,
You are not my mother. You are my keeper. It takes more than giving birth to a child to be a mother. You may not beat me up physically but mentally, I'm broken and I may never be fixed. You see how much I love my father and you can't stand it. You tell me things about him in an attempt to make me change my mind but I always end up loving him more and you less. Lies, that’s all you tell me and after everything you've done to him, he refuses to spread one rumor to me about you. Before the divorce, I saw the way you treated him and I see the way you treat him now and I hate you for it.
You bullied him. You made him feel worthless and you called him foul names in front of his children. You stripped him of his dignity and made him feel small and now that you can no longer...
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