Lifestyle

Dear President Halsey, I'm really glad and honored that us pilot from the federation have been called heroes for trying to keep our soldiers supplied, although I'm currently puzzled. If we've been such an invaluable help for the federation's cause... Why is there a 450k fine in my mailbox, waiting to be paid? When I signed up officially to support the war effort, I must have missed the clause stating that the weapons to be sold to the Khaka Future Party are subject to a 20% Value Added Fine, someone must have forgotten to mention that in the Galnet news report. While the Khaka Future Party was begging the pilot federation for weapons, it conveniently kept those said weapon illegal and had well positioned patrol ship keeping tab on who to fine. They are perfectly happy to accept...

Dear Mr. Colbert, Can I call you Stephen? Thanks, I knew you wouldn't mind. You are a cool guy like that. That's part of the reason why we love you. Where do I begin the hard work of saying goodbye? You have been so important to me for so long that I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that the Stephen Colbert I know and love may be gone forever. I know you are moving to a new show soon, though you won't admit it, which has terrified me on more than one occasion. And I know that your body of work on the "Colbert Report" will stand the test of time, and that you have written several wonderful books that I can re-read in my pajamas over a cup of spiked cocoa while I mourn your passing from the 11:30 slice of television that made "late night" mean something to me. I...

Dear New York Times, As a Canadian, I am writing to say what an honour and a privilege it is to be chosen as one of your preliminary test subjects for the dumbest business model imaginable. We don't get many chances to contribute up here in the untamed north, so the knowledge that we are helping to ensure "as smooth a transition as possible" for your real readers makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like a Tim Horton's hot chocolate. Your plan makes perfect sense. The average Canadian starts his day chopping down trees and ends it with igloo sex (which is awesome, by the way) so we don't need something to be "smooth" and "fine-tuned" unless it's an axe or a Chippewa concubine. So by all means use us as your whetstone before you go hacking away at the American market - we don't mind...

Dear Mr. President, We are the Requesters, Anuak refugees and asylum seekers based in Kenya (Dadaab, Kakuma and Nairobi) and South Sudan (Gorom), who submitted a complaint to the World Bank Inspection Panel in September 2012. We have written to you twice before but we have never received a response. This is our final appeal and we pray that this time our voice will be heard. We were forced to flee our homeland in Gambella, Ethiopia because we dared to oppose the government’s forced relocation program, known as “villagization”. We Anuaks never consented to give up our ancestral lands, which is the source of our life and our identity. We only moved out of fear. When local farmers did not agree to relocate, at night soldiers came and raped the women and beat the men. Those teachers,...