Mom,
As I sit down to type this, please know that my heart is heavy. I've been meaning to write this for some time now and did not have the guts or the confidence to do so. But here I am, the day before mother's day, prepared to speak directly to you.
I am angry. I am so very angry with you. You had everything and you blew it. I don't even know why. You chose yourself over everyone else in your life. Always. You always did. I spent the better half of my life trying so hard to be nothing like you, only to wake up and realize I never was anything like you to begin with.
You see, I was an addict too. I've known pain worse than you ever have. You know this and so do I. You know my life was utter hell. Hell, mom. You realize that, don't you? You know the hand you...
Family
Hey mom,
Crazy, eh? Seems like yesterday you were teaching me the ropes about life and where the entrance to the secret castle was hidden in the living room.
I know I am getting older and you have lost your "innocent child," but I think we have gained something way more important. We have gained an impenetrable bond that will carry throughout our lives. A bond I know that will never deteriorate and only continue to grow stronger.
I think it's funny when you apologize for things you wish you had done differently when raising me. I shouldn't have to remind you that it's okay for making mistakes because you're human and I HOPE I can raise my children half as well as you did. When I look back on my childhood, I do not see your "mistakes." I see the countess smiles you put on my face...
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My Papa,
Your ears are long. I always think we have the same lobes, fleshy, like ripe peaches. So I must have got them from you. Your eyebrows are busy, bushy and all over the shop but I think someone trims them for you these days – they look a bit tidier. I love how God made your nose. I think it was well-sculpted. He was obviously in a good mood when he made you. I think you would kill me if I did it – but I’d love to clip those stray little hairy tufts poking out of your ears. I wouldn’t dare. It makes me smile though. And it makes me feel your vulnerability just looking at you. Your nails are a bloody mess Papa. Much like my toe nails, must have got that from you too. Is it your psoriasis or a fungal infection? I wouldn’t change them for the world though because I never have a...
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Dear Person,
I started that out really harshly. I'd like to say I'm sorry for that but, I'm not to be honest.
I don't know if you will ever see this. If you will ever understand how much of this I have felt, for such a long time. But I've never had the chance to say some of this, and for once in my life I will find the voice because I need to. So yes, I know you may never see this. But in case you do:
I don't remember much of you being home. I was too young, and from what everyone tells me, I may have been better off.
When our brother died, you pretended to care. But let's be honest, you were too strung out on drugs to know the difference between high and low. I even remember what you said to me at his funeral...I always will. I know what you put me through, but worse, what you put...
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An Open Letter to My Fraternity Brothers
Dear Brothers,
I’d like to take the time to say what I didn’t get the chance to say during our senior sendoff.
First off, I’d like to thank each and every one of you for being a part of my journey through college. I rushed this fraternity the first semester of my freshman year. That’s 8 semesters that I have sat in the same seats you all sit in during chapter. That being said, I’ve seen a lot, I’ve heard a lot – so hear me out when I give you all some advice in just a little bit.
Each of you has touched my life in some form or another, whether you realize it or not. I am not going to mention each individual moment, but instead point out what this organization as done for me as a whole.
Thanks to this fraternity, I have boosted my...
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Dear younger cousins,
Enjoy being little while you still can. I know you hate it so much, but we’ve all been there. You can’t just skip through the ‘too little to hang with the bigger kids’ phase so just enjoy it. I know that seems horrible and impossible but you will understand why the big kids don’t want you around when you become one. I know that’s hard to imagine but I was the same way.
Put down your electronics and go outside. It won’t kill you. My generation grew up playing outside everyday without cell phones and Xboxes so you can put them down for a little while. Besides, you will learn a lot more outside than you will on a gadget. You can’t climb a tree or catch a fish through a cell phone. And where will yelling at a tv screen because you couldn’t beat a level get ya?
You don...
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Trigger warning: This letter contains information about sexual assault and violence which may trigger a level of distress.
My catalogue of transgressions began at the age of 14 when I was raped by a group of older teenage boys who had lured me away from the local youth centre for a game of hide ‘n’ seek in the stairwell of a local tower block. Here I was pinned up against a wall, before they took turns to rape me, running away when they heard my brother’s voice in the distance calling out my name in a bid to find me. As my brother entered the stairwell, he found me propped against the concrete wall dazed and in a state of undress. All I recall next are his vicious blows raining down on my head and face, whilst I was dragged home by my hair. Due to the extent of my injuries, which I...
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My Dearest Joshua,
I never wanted this for you. I never wanted you to feel the responsibility of raising your siblings, dealing with addict parents, or choosing between them. I have been in your shoes, and I have walked in them for hundreds of miles. With all my being, I hoped you would never have had to learn to cope with the responsibly of our baby brother being pawned onto you, our mother being addicted to meth, and our parents asking you to take sides in every fight. But it seems that after I left the house, my worn out sneakers were passed down to you.
I’m writing to you, Josh, because out of all our siblings, I fear that you have had the worst of it. Jacob left the house after he graduated high school, and I’m away at college. You and our baby brother, Jayme, are the only...
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Dear you,
I know that there are many of these out there, and this is probably cliche, but here it is anyway.
So many people say that they have the absolute best friend but I know that cannot be true, because the very best one is mine. It's not very common to find someone who hates you at first, but develops into the person that means more to you than any other. And you are that person for me.
Thank you for (unfortunately literally) making me laugh so hard that I pee my pants, with your idiotic jokes and completely inappropriate but still extremely funny humor. Since we've been friends, there has not been a single day in which we did not have contact with eachother. There's always something too exciting or hilarious happening that needs to be shared with the other....
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I exist. You may be surprised to know that over the past 35 years, I have lived. I have found happiness. I have let go of a lot of the pain you and your family have caused. I am numb. I no longer sit and wonder how someone could dismiss an immediate member of their family simply because they were born. Simply because they exist. But that’s what you’ve done. And while you have not met my husband, my children, or heard my voice in so many years, I HAVE EXISTED.
And yet I have heard you from afar. I’ve heard the lies and the misconceptions you believe of things that happened to you. How you were wronged by those people in your life who did absolutely nothing but love you. Provide for you. Support you in every way. I’ve watched the same people try over and over again, only to...
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