Dear Person,
I started that out really harshly. I'd like to say I'm sorry for that but, I'm not to be honest.
I don't know if you will ever see this. If you will ever understand how much of this I have felt, for such a long time. But I've never had the chance to say some of this, and for once in my life I will find the voice because I need to. So yes, I know you may never see this. But in case you do:
I don't remember much of you being home. I was too young, and from what everyone tells me, I may have been better off.
When our brother died, you pretended to care. But let's be honest, you were too strung out on drugs to know the difference between high and low. I even remember what you said to me at his funeral...I always will. I know what you put me through, but worse, what you put my family through...especially my sister. And your kids, who you have let go of and don't care if any of us (including yourself it seems) see them. None of us deserved that.
What you did to my sister and I was wrong by the way. I have resented you for years because of what you did to her-but then I found out it wasnt just her. It was likely me too. And it makes me wonder-makes me cringe- to think that you had time with your daughters. To think you may have done the same to them. And don't pretend you don't know. It will go with you to your grave I'm sure.
Also, you really suck. When bubby died, you seemed okay. You were in the same boat as all the rest of us- heart broken. But somewhere in the 10 years preceeding that, you must have lost what little heart you had left. Because the fact that NO ONE could get ahold of you to let you know that my sister (technically yours, if you want to grace yourself with the honor of saying so) was dead. I had to text you to tell you? And then all you could care about was the fact that you couldn't find either of us on facebook for the past few years. Wow. By the way, the reason for that is we both blocked you. If you can't figure out why, maybe you should reevaluate some of your life. While we are at it, go ahead and reevaluate all of it. That may do you some good.
Now that I've got that out of the way, I want to tell you that I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for who you have allowed yourself to become. I feel sorry for your lack of caring and nurturing you have given to your kids. They deserve more. I wish they knew the man you could have become, instead of knowing the person you degraded yourself into being. I wish you had bettered yourself, and used the intelligence you were given-because at one point you were literally the smartest man I knew. I wish you had found the gumption to live up to what I thought you could be at one point.
But I guess I will just keep wishing.
Both siblings are dead. The only ones left are you and I. And I will never accept you as my family. Ever again. Brian and Hannah deserved so much more than what you gave. And I know in my heart I deserve more too.
So, I have promised myself one thing concerning you. I will never NEVER allow you to be the reason my husband has to hold me, crying on the floor, ever again. You aren't worth it, and your kids are in a far better place if it is anywhere away from you.
