Hi
I was going to write "dad", but it just don't feel right. How could it do?
When I told you I didn't want to see you anymore, I was 100% you would have make everything you could to talk to me face to face.
You didn't.
I thought you would have come back.
You didn't.
I passed so many days thinking about how could you preferred a woman you had known for months over your daughter.
My conclusions were many, and the thing they had in common was just one: you didn't care about me, at all.
Then I came to the second question, why didn't you care?
The answer came simply, straight to my heart. I wasn't enough for you, I wasn't worth of your love.
That thought taunted me for months, maybe even years, and there were moments when I even believed it was true.
How many times did I send...
Broken Hearts
How have you been? I hope you're doing well. Me? I'm doing okay, I guess. I haven't been wasting my time on someone for the past two months, which is how long you wasted my time.
We only met on tinder, but I knew who you were. A second year that I used to see around the university campus with his friends. Your best friend is the lad who works in Waitrose right? Casual "Hi, how are you?"'s started our conversations off in mid march. April passed by, talking to each other everyday while we we're both back at home for spring break. Constantly back and forth, flowing with no problems. Some nights, the conversation would change and take a new level. I didn't mind, I trusted you.
This routine of ours kept going as we arrived back to our university town after three weeks. Nearly two...
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I don't know how I feel about you.
It hurts how it doesn't hurt anymore to talk about you...actually it does kinda hurt, I guess. But I'm okay with talking about you now, I don't feel like I'm going to break down soon or something.
I don't like you anymore. I don't love you anymore. You're probably relieved, since I nagged you for so long. I'm sorry about that, okay? Just know that it's been long since I've already realized that it wasn't you that I wanted back; it was the idea of you that I had, the perfect fantasy I created around your name and your face. The one I'd adored for a year. It's been a little more than exactly a year since I saw you for the last time.
Hey, just -- I don't know.
For some things you said to me, I'm really mad at you.
When I said I'm sorry, I wasn't...
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I never really fully understood you and I wish I did, but you didnt let me most of the time.
I wish you would have asked me about my day more often, and i wish you would have known details as small as why i like tea more than coffee.
A part of me always made excuses for your lack of effort and presence for me physically and emotionally.
I always told myself that maybe you're tired, maybe I've been too clingy these days, maybe you just need some space, maybe you've had a long day and you don't feel like knowing the small, stupid details that make me who I am.
I've always wished you would have trusted me a little more or that you didn't allow the doubtful voice in your head to get between us every now and then.
You told me you loved me quite often, but I felt it quite rarely.
We...
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Dear You,
I know this will never end up in your hands (even though part of me wishes it would), but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I think you deserve an explanation. Well, that’s how I’m justifying this as productive and not wallowing. Either way, I need to talk this out, and you're the one who should probably hear this.
Up until 8th grade, I did not speak to guys. Ever. Clammy hands, hyperventilating, trembling; just being around boys froze me. I was beyond normal shyness. That year, a close friend recruited a guy friend of hers to try to speak with me as a sort of immersion-therapy type deal. As soon as he said hello, I held my breath, turned around, and walked away.
In high school, I went through two years of despising every inch of myself. Sophomore year, I...
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To the wife of the man that killed my father,
This is such a touchy subject, I rarely speak of that day when my life forever changed. You see that day was like any other lazy Sunday morning. I stayed up late that night before tending to my then one year old son, watching movies and enjoying life.Then everything changed with just one phone call. A call from my aunt at 9 am, her voice was shaking and I could barley make out what she was saying. I heard "accident" and the words "hospital" and then "dead".
I don't remember getting dressed or even leaving the house to go to the hospital. I only remember my loving fiance driving so erratically I thought we would get pulled over.I also remember thinking maybe if we did get pulled over that the officer would escort us to the hospital...
2,497
I was having problems with my boyfriend so I stopped talking to him. I told him that I need space. And after two months he came to me. Tears were rolling out of his eyes when he handed me a letter he wrote to me the night before he came to see me. I was heartbroken to see him the way he was. It was early in the morning on a week day. He didn’t even go to work.
The reason I asked for space was because we had a big fight. And after that fight he left me. And that’s where my first ex-boyfriend comes in. He was my first boyfriend 4 years ago. Well he was always there since I broke up with him. In those 4 years he never once went away. He always asked if I’m doing okay and if I’m happy. He is a good guy and would ask me if I need anything. He was there to make sure I’m happy.
He knew...
6,700
Feeling our relationship was coming to an end certainly didn't make the official termination any easier. I find it especially difficult because I can't hate you.
I struggle with the realization that our days of exploring are forever gone. There is no longer anything to try to work through because you can't change how/what you feel or don't feel. You will never be a presence in my life again. The thought of that eternal separation makes me sick. We have become completely separate people that are operating independently, yet my heart still aches with your absence.
I wonder if things would be different if we had never attempted to move in together, if the conversation was never initiated until after we were done with school. It's so damn painful. Thinking about going through day to...
2,630
I don't fit in. I never have. I've always been pushed around trying to fit in but never have. Over the past year things have got especially worse. Great things like getting my first job as well as my license have been great. But many things have overshadowed this. Meeting one person change so much for me.
At first change seemed good but after all it was too good to be true. Time dragged on and it got to a point to which I didn't know how to leave it. Aside from that the people I call my friends are really just nonsense people. Talking behind my back or excluding me is just childish. People just be honest. That one person changed a lot and many hated her. More recently being an idiot proved costly for my car. But when I thought to have found the right girl, it didn't work out. If only she...
2,525
Dear my little bean,
You were only nine weeks along when you left us.. Only nine weeks along and I was so excited to meet you already. Your daddy decided to call you our little bean and that's what you were. Our growing little bean. But, for only a very short time.. Only thirty one more weeks and we would be up all night, making bottles and changing diapers. Only thirty one more weeks and I would have gotten to see that smile and those beautiful eyes that I knew you were going to have. Only thirty one more weeks and you would have been in my arms..
But, I will never get to wake up in the middle of the night to make you a bottle or change your diaper. I will never have the chance to know what kind of person you would have grown up to be. I will never get the chance to know if you...
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