Growing up we are often not aware of the things that effect us the most. Especially when those things have been missing out of your life, and that's all you've ever known.
To those who have grown up without a father ... You're not crazy or confused, you're not weak or behind. You are strong, you are independent and you have to work a little harder at understanding life.
At times it was almost as if you didn't know the difference of not having a father. Except the times when you would see your friends hug their dads or hear them talk about how they couldn't live without them. You would swallow the hurt, make a joke, or ignore the feeling and eventually forget it even exists.
What you didn't realize is how not having a father made growing up ten times harder. You have a lot to learn on your own, from how to interact with people, authority and peers to how to respect yourself and others. You don't even have time to understand that you're lost or making poor choices because you're too focused on figuring out the world that just doesn't seem to make sense to you the way it does to everyone else.
This goes for males and females. Although this part is specifically for the girls.
Starting in junior high all the way through high school was a struggle for me. In ways I didn't understand until I graduated and went to college. You see, when it comes to relationships you've never had any expectations or knowledge of what it should be like. The way you should be treated, what to look for in a guy, what guys you should leave alone and how to say no... Girls will make you feel bad because if you make a mistake means that you are a "hoe". Often the same girls calling you names are girls who have grown up with fathers and have never struggled with the emotions or feelings you have because their needs have been met on those levels . Not always but even if not, they have a father who they're afraid of disappointing. You've never gotten to experience what it's like to disappoint a guy so when you find yourself in that position, you do what you feel you need to in order to avoid the conflict. You didn't know it at the time, so don't beat yourself up. Although, having to figure all that out on your own may just set you up for a brighter future than you think.
Now, in college, I can't ever seem to waste my time on the wrong people. Sure, something's don't work out but just because relationships don't work out doesn't mean the person you tried with was a disrespectful or a bad person. Sometimes things just don't work out. Fortunately though, you have been introduced to the wrong guys and red flags early on so you have an idea what to look for in a person before fully committing or giving yourself away. You have an idea on the kind of man you want to spend your life with and what qualities you want that man to possess so your children can have a life you never had. You have set such high standards for what you want and you know what you're looking for. This means you're looking for a man who is respectful, honest, not a hot head, knows discipline, self-driven, family oriented, pushes you to succeed and stands by you when you fall. A man who you can see taking responsibility and being good at it. Sometimes it makes you too careful and your past can haunt you but over all you expose yourself less, you protect yourself more, and you're aware of people's intentions. You found out the hard way not everyone has the same intentions as you and now you know what to look for.
Even if it's not pieced together right now, it will be. It will still take you longer because life doesn't stop. You still have to be your own backbone and take care of yourself. You must be more careful and cautious with everything in life. You still can't pick up the phone and ask your dad how to make it through the hardest time of your life, you don't have that role teaching you how to be strong. You can't call and ask advice on which decision is better because the person who helped give you life doesn't even know you. Dads are strong and are supposed to be your number one fan, your biggest supporter. You don't have that person in your corner to tag in when life is beating you up. You learn that on your own. So it's okay to be a little behind in the race. Don't feel discouraged, don't compare yourself to your friends or peers, and don't feel sorry for yourself. Instead look how far you have come. Look at the adversity you've over come. All the times you needed a hug when you were at your worst but instead you cried by yourself then picked yourself up and carried on. Those are things some people can't do until later in life when life becomes even more challenging. Be thankful you learned the hardest things in life early on. No matter how old you get it really doesn't get any easier having to be without but you will make it . Once you do, you will be more proud of yourself than anyone on the earth and that feeling can take you further in life than you could ever imagine. I don't like to think of us "fatherless children" as a pitty story or the under privileged but rather the miss understood and the under dogs who later in life become so much more than what they were expected to be. This is our story, this is our struggle, and this is our lifestyle.
