It's been 7 years now that you have fought so hard to keep the promises you made to your Daddy on his death bed. And everyday you fight and fight to make sure you take care of your mom and the rest of the family.
You try to resolve the issues for your own children because that is what Daddy would do. You have worn yourself out trying to be Daddy. When will you realize you are not Daddy? When will you stop and understand no one could ever fill his shoes? When you made a promise to take care of your mother, he did not expect you to handle everything the way he would have. He knew you were your own person and he had faith that you would do what you felt right in your heart. He had faith in you because he knew you were raised by a father that believed in you. You have spent so much time and energy trying to make sure to make him proud. Don't you see he was already proud. That is why he knew he could trust you to take care of your mom. But in your mind you have failed. Not because you haven't done everything to take care of the family but because you have not been able to keep this family together the way he did. Nothing hurts a parent more than to see their children torn apart in strife. But yet that is where we are today. You have managed to provide for your family financially but you can't bring them together the way he did.
If you look past that anger and wipe those tears away you will realize some things are better left unchanged. You can't spend your life struggling to understand what makes someone not want to be part of a family. You can not spend you life resenting someone else because they simply don't seem to care. You have to be you. You have to continue to do what needs to be done and let those who oppose you deal with it.
You have become a person who suffers from anxiety on a daily basis. You are not the person your Daddy would want you to be. You were positive and you knew there was nothing in this world to stop you from accomplishing everything you set out to accomplish. Now you second guess every decision you make. You don't want to have fun, you have panic attacks, you worry over things you have no control over. You have become your own worst enemy. And why? Because you can never control what others do or believe. You are only responsible for yourself.
As a mother you know the greatest gift your own children could give you is to never let anything come between their love for each other. And you feel responsible for the fact that they are not close. You know when you leave this earth they need each other. But you fear that that they won't stick together. You cannot control that. You can only express to them your feelings and how much them loving each other means to you.
Stop worrying about everything and everyone in this world. Find yourself again while you still can. Please don't let anxiety and depression be what others remember about you. Let it be your love for life. Start living your own legacy and stop trying to be someone you will never be. Life is to short and you were meant to be you! You are beautifully and wonderfully made!
Of course you want to be remember and loved the way Daddy is. But you need to be remembered for the special person you are.
