Guys –
I feel like we need to have a little sit down.
I’ve noticed by your Facebook posts/Tumblr updates/Tweets that you are pretty peeved at Kim Kardashian for divorce-bombing Chris Humphries a mere 72 days after their fairy tale wedding. You’re saying things like, “how dare she!” and, “her career is done,” and, “reality TV has gone too far.” I even saw a few of those clever memes people are making with really mean things about Kim, things like, “and they think the gays are destroying the sanctity of marriage?”
But, see, here’s the thing – Really? REALLY?! You’re actually upset? You actually, legitimately feel fooled, duped, and wronged by this latest celeb divorce development?
When Kim and Chris got married on national television in a 20 million dollar affair after less than a year of dating, you really thought it was lasting love? You watched that all go down and thought, “there is no way in a million years that will end quickly and for absolutely no reason.”
Or was it that you thought Kim and her E!-sponsored clan would have the decency to A. wait a little longer or B. inform the husband first? Is that why you’re so mad?
I think you’re forgetting that the only reason this entire family is famous is because of Kim’s sex tape? Don’t you “Robert Kardashian was a very famous lawyer” me. Kim’s sex tape started it all, so I’m not sure we can be shocked and appalled that her D-cup doesn’t runneth over with decency.
Yes I know she cost E! $280,000 per day of marriage, and yes, I too think that’s an absolutely disgusting waste of money. But you know what else is disgusting? E! spending 20 million on the televised wedding of two fabricated celebrities. Actually, I take that back. Chris Humphries has a legit reason to be famous.
And while we’re at it – the show was called Kim’s Fairytale Wedding and the rag mag covers read Kim Gets Engaged, Kim’s Big Wedding Plans, and Kim Ties the Knot. So for those of you out there shedding a tear for the sweet, innocent professional basketball player who got mixed up in this mess, here’s one big REALLY?! for you too.
But back to why I, for one, am glad that E! “wasted” all that money on a 72-day marriage. Maybe they’ve learned their lesson. Maybe next time they won’t spend the cost of launching a charter school (or 5) on something my 89-year-old Poppop could have told you didn’t stand a chance. And he doesn’t even get E!.
Of course, chances are they have not learned any form of lesson at all because they have not really been harmed. Chances are E! will only benefit from this divorce ordeal because angry, angry people who cannot believe Kim would do such a thing will now tune in to one of her four shows to find out why she did it.
You know…if I were a more cynical person I’d say they planned the entire charade – found the guy, arranged the marriage, orchestrated the wedding, and suggested the hasty divorce.
Outside of the whole E! angle, I’m sensing a lot of what you’re feeling is anger at Kim for shoving her rotund buttocks in the face of the sanctity of marriage. What does she think, that this is all some kind of joke? That it’s all just make believe?
First of all, yes, that is what she thinks. Second of all, the sanctity of marriage does not apply to TV weddings that cost 20 million dollars. And finally, I’m guessing the “tough talk” Kim had with herself over whether or not to stay married because it was better for Chris/E!/her family/ her fans/man-kind was a short one.
But in the end, my favorite line of all the “can you believe she…” lines I’ve heard is this: “Can you believe that $%&*! made something like 8 million dollars off her wedding and then bolted!”
Yes. Yes of course I can. Kim Kardashian is the poster girl for Sketchers Shape-ups. You guys, those are HANDS DOWN the UGLIEST piece of footwear invited since the beginning of the invention of footwear. If she can shill those, then she can stay married to a professional basketball player for long enough to collect some significant dough.
So let’s all take a deep breath and remember that this doesn’t matter, and it is certainly not worth getting worked up over. Kim will live on to make reality TV shows because people will live on to be shocked about Kim Kardashian getting divorced after 72 days of marriage. That is, until someone new releases a sex video that catapults their entire extended family to fame, which someone really should get on, toot sweet.
Fondly,
Jessie
