I feel like no one ever notices anything or anyone. I know what it feels like to never be noticed. So, I try to notice everything even though it hurts sometimes. I notice the beauty in the rain that many people frown upon. I notice that one person who is always sitting quietly by themselves. I notice that the smartest and most beautiful people are the anti-social ones. The ones that know how trusting someone can end in pain and suffering.
Sometimes noticing things can hurt. It hurts me the most when I notice myself because when I do, I hate myself for it. I always notice how I'm sad and lost on the inside, but on the outside, I fake a smile. I wait for something interesting to happen to me. I don't care if it's good or bad. I just need change. My life is dull and boring. To avoid this, I pretend that there is something wrong with me. I pretend like I have anger issues, am bipolar, sometimes I even pretend to have a multiple personality disorder or am depressed. My mother never seems to even notice. Maybe I'm not pretending to have anger issues anymore.
I hate being alone. My thoughts scare me sometimes. I bully myself. "Stop crying. You're just being dramatic and looking for attention. You don't really care that he's gone." I want to punch the wall but something holds me back. "You can't punch the wall. What if you make a hole? Then, you’ll be pissed off when you get yelled at for it." A voice in my head mocks me. I end up throwing my phone instead.
I look into the mirror. "Look at you." I laugh. "You're so pathetic. You don’t even know how to show emotions without beating yourself up for it. You aren't even capable of going to sleep without silently crying every night even though you have no reason to cry. You're just trying to be dramatic."
Then, I wake up the next day as if nothing ever happened. You don't even notice. So, next time you see someone alone or being anti-social, walk up to them and start a conversation or maybe compliment them. You could be that one person that make someone smile at night instead of silently crying. I wish someone would do that to me. I come to school with a smile on my face even though there is a dying soul behind it and yet, no one notices.