Dear Boy,
I call you my boyfriend- who really knows what you were. You were my middle school crush, my 6th grade "boyfriend" who broke my heart when you broke up with me, and you were special enough for me to want you back freshman year. Unsurprisingly, it didn't work out yet again. I'm forever sorry for that. We broke up "mutually" and I truly thought that's what it was- I didn't know your true feelings until this year.
It's now senior year, you've asked for me back at least 6 times over these high school years, but I've been with my current boyfriend for 3 years now. After you, I hit my bottom. I dated the boy that everyone warned me about, and you laughed because I ended up with him. Of course he made a fool out of me, don't worry I'll never forget him despite my constant efforts. But then I found my boyfriend I have now. Is he the one? I'm not sure.. maybe, maybe not, but he makes me happy.
I'm sorry our breakup wasn't mutual, I truly wanted to be friends. I was heartbroken when you wanted nothing to do with me, because despite me initiating the breakup, I didn't want to lose you. I wanted you. Hell, I still do. I can't believe the guy of my dreams, who I once had the privilege of calling mine, wasn't actually ok with our break up and actually wanted me back. I guess I didn't know what seeing me love someone else was doing to you. You're the shy type, reserved, you dived into your school work and get more and more recognized by the minute. I had no idea what it would be like for you to see me with another, someone actually loving and nice to me. I didn't know what it would be like until you started dating her.
One of my own friends?! Why her? I'm closer to you now than ever before just because she is my friend, and I find myself growing closer to her because I want to be closer to you. I hate myself for it, somehow I ended up in the middle of your relationship because I'm your ONLY ex- girlfriend. The only other girl who you trusted enough to get involved with and open up to. I hate having to watch you love someone else. I never had to watch you be happy with someone else until now, and I must say this isn't something I'd wish on my worse enemy. She asks me for tips about you. If she loved you, then she should know. Yes I know that chocolate ice cream is still your favorite, you're a sucker for a good science movie and if you're upset to persistently try and make you laugh because once you do, your deep blue eyes melt from ice into the rich blue ocean of your soul, and you'll just fall more and more in love because no one has ever invested time in making you feel better. She should know you don't like PDA, and you brag to your friends about her intellectual level, that you don't see her as a piece of meat like other guys. You're more than that, you're a man, a loving man, who could've been my man, the one who I'm now talking about to your current girlfriend who needs help understanding you like I did.
Everyone has a person, or a few. Ya know, the people who you'd do absolutely anything and everything for if they asked, even if they didn't. You could call me right now, broke down on the side of the road in a different state, and I'd come. You will ALWAYS be in my heart because when asked out of anyone I know who I would marry I'd choose you a thousand times over regardless of being totally in love with someone else. I feel drawn to you and I have no idea what I'll think when senior year comes to a close and I no longer see you everyday, and just have to wonder how a new place is treating you. But I do hope it's everything you wanted and more.
I still love you. You've got everything going your way because you deserve it. Don't let your mom put you down for your decision, don't let your dad be disappointed it isn't medical school, and don't live in the shadow of your siblings. Live your own life because you are amazing and will always be the most amazing person I know. Give everything you do your all, because your all is a hell of a lot more than other people's, and the world needs someone with your enthusiasm.
I'm writing this to say sorry, for all the misunderstandings over the years, to say I hate you for loving her, but yet I want you to be happy, and to say thank you, for loving me once and making me feel like a somebody. I hope that one day we will resolve our conflicts, and I wish you the best in life.
