I Need Him to Say It First

Subject: I Need Him to Say It First
Date: 22 Nov 2017

I need to know. I need to hear him tell me. At times he’s so close. Why can't he tell me how he feels? I know he's 1,171 miles away and I know I always said "amor de lejos amor de pendejos" (love from afar is love for idiots) but was I wrong. I’m so confused. It started off all platonic and I loved you instantly. He's told me numerous occasions he loves me and he's grateful for me which is how I knew he valued our friendship. His personality and his sense of humor fit so well with mine. We became such great friends in such a short amount of time. My love for him was platonic like you know when you tell someone you love them it’s because you love them as a human being. Just like you love your best friend, sibling, dog, parents, etc. Yeah, it was that love and it still is because he is such a great person. Loving them as a person and their personality is completely different than when you are in love with them. So yes, I do love him because we connect and click instantly. I love his mind and heart. We get along so great and I’m so glad I finally met him. We always had this mutual feeling when we’d see each other around school. We never actually met. We went to the same high school. I don’t want to say it was love at first sight but has anyone ever walked passed a person and you just know? You just know there is something there by quick glances or brushing through them You don’t know what exactly, but there’s a connection there just by passing their presence. We never said a word to each other. We both noticed each other and we never had to say a word for me to know there was something there. When I said I’m glad to finally meet him I mean I’m glad to communicate with him now. He lives in another state. At times, I wish we spoke sooner. I wish I knew exactly what that feeling when I’d walk by him was sooner. I like to believe I was not ready for him then. I wasn’t ready to meet my soulmate. I believe a soulmate can be anyone, it does not have to be romantic. He moved miles away a year after he graduated, my graduation year. I don’t think I was ready then because it’s even hard now to cope that I won’t see him anytime soon. Last time I’ve seen him was two years ago, last I walked passed him. It’s been over a month of constant communication and I’ve never linked with a human being so quickly. He’s such a great friend and sometimes our feelings start to show…they’re growing. I didn’t realize it but they’ve been growing every time we talk every time we exchange messages. At times, I’m sure he realizes it too. I just don’t know.

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