Hating when Loving

Subject: Hating when Loving
From: M
Date: 21 Aug 2017

Every time I try to let go, I end up pulling it back.
I hate it each time I can't resist your face. All I see is the beauty of you. The stardust magic on a slow moving scenery that never fails to stun my eyes. Two, three, until all of our fingers crossed left me with unexplainable blank thoughts. As the ticking clock will soon brutally kill the moments of time.

I hate it every time I can say "I'm okay without thoughts of you" and end up longing to feel you. I spent a lot of sleep nights thinking of nothingness beside you. The illusion ends as the sunrise awakes me about reality. I cannot own any piece of you not even a bit of your tainted heart.

I hate myself for putting my purest love for someone like you. At times, I wished I never did. If I could, I will turn back to the day when I first saw you. I will close my eyes and pretend you were the ugliest I've seen. I will shut my heart down not to feel your rarest soul. If only I could, I will not really love you. Teach me how and I'll do it even at the hardest way.

I opted to stop everything I hate doing because life wasn't designed for hating when loving.


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