"To the Guy I Loved Then and Now, Thank You"

Subject: "To the Guy I Loved Then and Now, Thank You"
From: Tash Villacorta
Date: 10 Dec 2016

I was 12 and you were 11 and we became best friends. I fell for you and I didn't know you fell for me too. I hid my feelings since we were just kids and you had a girlfriend. I was very supportive. But unknowingly we, slowly drifted apart.

After 6 or 7 years, you talked to me again and we relieved those moments. We were like best friends all over again but we were older and more mature than before. Unexpectedly, history repeated itself. It felt like destiny was playing with us. I fell for you but like before I never told you. Why? Because you had a girlfriend. Sadly, my heart had enough and I needed to say goodbye. Even though the situation was unfavorable, I'm truly grateful for a lot of things.

Thank you for making me feel loved. Even though the love was not real and it just brought me confusion and pain, I still thank you. I already knew that you will never reciprocate the affection I had for you. But I appreciated every "xoxo", every "baby, how are you?", and every "I love you." Your messages often made my day. Hearing your voice already comforted me. The songs you sang already cheered me up. Thank you for making me feel special, like I'm your girl even if I'm not.

Thank you for giving me your trust. You are a person who doesn't show his true self to people. You don't even care what they think of you. You have always guarded yourself but you opened your closed doors to me; thus, I thank you. I never expected that I will see through you, see through your weaknesses and through your soul. You shared to me a lot of things that you never shared to anyone else, even your girlfriend. I didn't only became your friend but your go-to person especially when you had a fight with her. Didn’t you know that even though I became the rock you leaned on to, I was also crumbling inside. You allowed me to pity you, to empathize with you. I allowed myself to break for you and for that I thank you.

Thank you for teaching me about life. I never thought that I will fall for a person like you. You were not only wild, but your name spelled trouble. You opened my eyes to the realities of life and this cruel world. I realized that the world made you who you are. I thought I can fix you. I thought I can be of help to you. I thought I can change you for the better but I'm no God to do so. Instead of influencing you, the opposite happened. I went out of my shell because of you. I did things I have never done before because of you. I broke through my limits because of you. I faced my fears because of you. I did not stand by my own principles because of you. Thank you for changing me to the person I did not want to be.

Thank you for making me realize my own worth. You know, I wasn't able to realize my value as a person if you didn’t break my heart. I was blinded by my deep feelings for you. I knew from the very beginning that our relationship was grounded on dishonesty but I kept it up. I neglected the signs, the paranoia, the guilt, and the worry. Why? All because of you.
But after that goodbye, my eyes were opened to the truth. You were not worth it! I didn’t regret knowing you. You brought me the kind of happiness that family nor friends couldn't give. But when something is wrong, it could never be right.
Thus, thank you. Thank you for making me see the real you. Thank you as well for making me realize my own stupidity, that I gave my heart to the wrong person. And you know what? I'm happy even though I'm hurting inside. Still, I'm happy. Why? Because now I'm free.

But the future could be unpredictable. Maybe fate will allow our paths to cross again. Probably 6/7 years from now? I don't know. We'll see. But if that happens, I will not be the girl who loved you then and now anymore.


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