Ever since I moved in with you, you have caused me nothing but sadness. It was not my choice to move in with you, it was the courts. I am now 15, trying as hard as I can. My heart aches because of the sadness inside creeping, and lingering in me. I have tried to make sense of why you have not shown me the love that I deserve. I have told you many times of my mental issues, and looked me in the eye and told me that you didn't see a mental issue. I was broken when you told me that. I was surprised. Of all the referrals my school has made to you. Of the times Grandma had to come and get me from school because I couldnt do it anymore.
I sometimes understand why you're mean, and vulgar. It's the drinking, it's the ten bottles of Busch you down each night. It's the withdraw in the morning when you're craving just a drop of it in between your lips. I understand.
But what I don't understand is why you would treat me this bad. Tell me that I'm just like my mother, that I am a whore, that I do nothing for you. All I do is try to help, I put you first before anyone. Which it should be other way around, I should be first. But instead you're worrying more about a gun to buy whether to buy me new clothes that I need. All my old ones are too small.
Father, I do not trust you. You have put your kids through hell. You have caused us so much distress but yet you still blame us. You blame us for everything little thing you can pick at.
I wish I could change you but I can't. I wish I could help you but I can't. I can't do it. I've tried. I am doing my best. I am going to school. You still aren't proud of me. You haven't told me that you loved me. You can only tell me you love me when you're not sober. Sometimes I think it's because you cannot say it when you actually are sober. I understand that the small talk we have is the only way for you to try and tell me you love me. I understand that when you yell it is out of anger. I understand when you tell me that I'm like my mother it's only because you don't want me end up like her. I understand. I do forgive you, but I will not forget it either.
Your only daughter.