After you read this you can decide where you want us to go. I have already decided and you know what my decision is I wrote this letter so many times so many different ways every line in this letter is from a different day of my journal but feeling like I'm not important or worthy of your love is really setting me back I need you to understand so every day I'm going to write you a little from my journal so you can understand what my life is like and understand why i feel the way I feel today is the end and we will go through the rest daily when your done reading this please let me know what your feeling or thinking of this I need to know where we are my love
You came into my life and made me realized that I can love again I felt so beautiful inside because of you and your love changed everything about me and I loved who I was then. Now I can't eat I can't sleep I can't focus I can't socialize I can't breathe I lay awake all night long wishing you would love me like I love you. As I sit here and listen to the rain hit the windows I think about the happy days we had and how I would wait everyday on the edge of my seat for that time that time I would get the hour of most amazing conversation with you. The hour of bonding the hour of excitement the hour that set the rest of my day to be perfect. I would walk around on cloud nine telling everyone how I had the most amazing boyfriend who gave me the world. I would draw little hearts and arrows all over my work papers with little arrows because you were the only thing that brought me happiness and for that I love you. Loving you was the only reason for my existence Howie. You will never truly understand how you took the pain and sadness out of my everyday life when you gave me the gift of happiness excitement adventure anticipation bonding and the best feeling in the world every morning. That gift brought me happiness you happiness and us the most special bond we could have at this time. If you look back to when we were on that adventure together howie you will see that it wasn't just me who was happy but you were really happy as well and that's the howie I miss every single minute of every single day.
No matter how far I am know that you are always on my mind and my heart, just know how much I love you and that you are my whole world my love the reason for my existence still but that time has gone my life has turned to nothing but hurt and sadness despair and my darkest hours. I pray every day that the man I love will tell me it was all a bad horrible dream and out happiness is still there. I wish you loved me like I love you I wish you wanted me like I want you I wish we were as happy as we used to be. You will never understand how bad you hurt me you will never understand what you took from me loved you from the beginning and I will love you forever.