I was just a child when you left; I was just a baby in fact, just 3 years old. I was not able too much on my own. I was left alone because you could not lift your head far enough off the ground where you slept the day before, unable to make it to your bed. It was not just the alcohol that had a hold on you, but the spoon that you used not to feed me but your addiction.
I held on to my older sister just 3 years my elder, to make my food and take me to play to act as my mother not just when we played roles in the game “house” but in reality as well. She was my example, the leader I would follow, I was her shadow. We did it all on our own. Our innocence corrupted by your ignorance.
But all I have to say is thank you. Thank you for being who you are because you have made me who I am. Capable of doing nearly anything I put my mind to, to be independent and not trust people until they prove their intentions are pure. I have learned much from you.
I have learned from you to first love all that I love whole heartedly, to not allow my selfishness to over bare my relationships, to put others first, to cast out all judgment, for you do not know a single soul but your own.
I forgave you long ago, because I could not bare the burden of a tainted heart. I love you because you are my mother and though I have learned much there is to learn in this life by other model women. I will never give up the hope you will one day become well enough to read this letter and the many I have written before this.
If it were not for you, I would not have ever sought after a women figure, and I would not have met my teacher in sixth grade, a woman who learned so much about me; her interest went beyond the subject matter of language arts and social studies. She took me for ice cream and to church. She led me to faith in God and people.
She taught me to love, and pushed me through school, she loved me like a mother would, like a mother should. She got me to where I am today. I have made it! The first to go to college and pursue my education to be an educator, and be able to change lives one generation at a time. A soul as generous as hers in deserving of many beauties in this world and I want her to know that.
I suppose this letter is not a letter to you mom, but to my teacher, who made me who I am. Who loved a girl who was alone and lost and gave her the ability to make the world her own. I am doing the best I can and I hope this makes you proud.