an open letter to my abusive step "dad"

Subject: an open letter to my abusive step "dad"
Date: 9 May 2017

on this day i am writing this after i have personally had to call the cops on you now twice for violence.
once today.
once 3 months ago.
many calls that were never made, that should have been.
on a day that was suppose to be nerve wrecking and exciting, but you must have had a bad day and decided to take it verbally out on mom.
for no reason, per usual.
i was listing and looking to make sure mom was ok.
and that turned into my problem too.
but wait, it's always my fault isn't it?
that's what you always tell me.
the problems that you bring on yourself.
from cheating on mom for countless years, to stealing and lying your way through jobs.
saying you work harder then anyone you know, of course, because all you do is talk about yourself, and make everything about you.
but you never own your actions.
it's embarrassing really.
watching mom make excuses for you, and your behavior, so many times i can't even count on all of my fingers and toes.
from hiding in our bedrooms with my sister thinking you were going to harm mom and listening through the vents, just hoping, and crying, that mom would make it through whatever you were doing to her.
countless bruises on moms body that you probably didn't have any idea i even noticed.
remember that one time mom "accidentally" dropped a dresser on her foot and she had to go to the hospital?
yeah, me too.
remember telling mom she's fat?
and how dare her want to get some dessert?
even through she's 5'5" and weights like 130lbs.
i recall mom telling me she sneaks around the house at night to eat cookies.
and the sad part is her not even thinking that's a problem.
what a joke.
my childhood revolves around these "memories" and I'm glad my sister is younger.
it's bizarre really.
you claim to love mom, you love to control her is what you love.
that's why she isn't "allowed" to have any friends.
you mentioned tonight to me that no one wants me, not even my own actual "father" has reached out to me after almost 26 years and i would take him over you any day.
everyone in my family knows your temper.
how everyone in our family prays for moms strength to leave you.
why hasn't she?
because you twist her into staying.
how you also manipulate everyone, and that's why we don't get along.
because ive never let you shape me.
and i never will.
you could punch me, like you did tonight.
you can do anything to me, and i will never give into your sick ways.
do you remember that one time you were trying to make my mom, dislike her mom, so that she wouldn't have any family contact?
and of course you used me as a pawn.
repeatedly asked me and ask me to admit to this lie you were trying to brainwash me into thinking was the truth.
and told me you would buy me any toy from the store?
and finally i admitted to this false truth because i was 7 years old and couldn't take it anymore.
and then you abused me, because i lied?
and im sure you won't ever admit to any of this, what's new thought right?
you hate that im the only one that will stand up to you, and that you don't own me.
how many times has mom had to protect me!from you?
shame on you.
you coward.
how dare you lay a single harmful finger on anyone.
i didn't want my child to see you last time you threatened me, and now he won't again.
you won't ever receive a greeting card from us for anything because you mentioned that to me tonight too right before you screamed in my face.
my problem with previous relationships I've been in, stems from you.
when i catch a sign of someone trying to control me, or punching a wall from an anger storm, im done.
so for that I guess I thank you, for teaching me to stand up for myself, and not let some psycho ruin my life.
to my mom, get out.
run as fast and as far as you can.
you deserve so much more.
you have been physically, mentally, and spiritually abused for years.
i know you are weak and tired, but we are all fighting for you.
free yourself of his negative energy, he isn't good for anyone.
as Im laying here in bed, with my chin throbbing from your fist, i know that I will be ok.
it's not me im worried about.
but you already know that.

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