To my ex-boyfriend

I know this letter will never reach you … but My god it have been a roller coaster of emotions… I can even begin to tell you how hard this is for me … The week that I stop talking to you must have been one of the hardest week of my life… I wanted to call you … I wanted to tell you how much I love you … how I new we could work trough anything … I wanted to catch a plane … find you and give you a kiss … to make you feel the love that I feel for you … to once again make you see why we had lasted so long … to let you see all the love that I had for you … It was extremely painful… seeing the hours pass… and as every second of the day past … the pain just grew deeper … I didn’t eat… I didn’t sleep much … pretty much I was drinking everyday … to try to make time pass faster … I wanted to numb my paint … I wanted to not feel… bcs I knew that you were not coming back… I didn’t contact you … bcs that is what I have been doing all our relationship … I have told you how much i love you... I have showed you how much I love you … I had forgiven you time and time again … I was ready to do anything for you … I was ready to work trough anything with you. This is why I don’t think I made a mistake that I gave you a week … u need it that time to realized how you felt … I knew how I feel ... I knew I was ready to be with you no matter how many obstacles came in our way … bcs I had always done that … you knew that … but I didn’t know if you were in the same page than me … so I had to let you go … I had to stop being scare to loose you and accepted the fact that you cant lose something you never had… so I did … I let you go … in the hope that you would prove me wrong … that you will come back to me … this is really why I had to let you go bcs I need it to know how you really felt … I need it you to find out how you felt … that’s why the week felt horrible … bcs I knew by the end of the week I would have to wake up … and realized that this was never going anywhere… that all my fears where true … I have learned to know you … learned how you deal with things … I knew what you were going to do … I could have bet my life that this was going to end like this… bcs I know you … I’m in suffering like I have never suffer before … I feel like someone just push me off a building and I’m free falling … it is a horrible feeling … I feel like I’m dying… the pain is unbearable … this is why I envy the way you deal with things… I wish I could tell you I’m ok … that everyday it feels a bit better and that I’m happier … but I wont lie to you … I have try so hard to get angry … and I just can’t … Instead I feel so grateful …honestly I cant thank you enough for letting me go … for breaking this bubble … I know that sounds crazy after I’m telling you how much I’m suffering … but if you wouldn’t have said those things I would have never let you go … the love that I feel for you … is from an other world … is so deep that I would have always forgive you … I would have always try to talk about things and fix them … I will have never stop fighting … but you have give me freedom … and for that I will always be grateful .