To the Man Who I Truly Believed Was My Forever, I'm Sorry

Subject: To the Man Who I Truly Believed Was My Forever, I'm Sorry
From: The Girl Who Loved You
Date: 28 Nov 2017

My giraffe,

I knew from the moment you rolled in and bought a six pack of Stella (quirky, men in their twenties don't usually drink Stella), I was going to make you mine. And just that quickly, you'd best believe I did.

The first time we hung out, we poured in hours together, from mid-afternoon till long past dark, and even that day, I knew I loved you. God, did I love you, and we had only barely met. You told me about your knee injury, and how you loved to play soccer. We danced in the cemetery and ran with your dog. We sat on the tabletop, and we laughed away the hours, ticking by like seconds on your alarm clock, the one I woke up next to, the one that read eight-thirty in the morning, and I should have let you sleep in, but I kissed your cheeks until you woke up, because I couldn't wait to spend the whole day with you. All the times I left at two in the morning because we fell asleep watching movies and my curfew was one, but I didn't care. Those were hours I spent in your arms, loving you.

I never let go the first time I beat you in Black Ops, and of course you beat me the next four rounds, but I still was excited for that one time, because the skill I'd gotten at the game, was found in the time we spent playing together. The picture of you from behind, sitting shirtless, looking at the screen, my heart would flutter when I looked at it. You were mine, and I loved you. I remember hearing you fight with your father, and when your heart was broken, I wrote my phone number on the paper on your door, please call me if I'm not here to hold you. I'll come find you, and we'll make it better.

We sat in a pizza shop and talked about our future. Our first apartment, the kids we would adopt because I told you I couldn't have them, and you told me you loved me no matter what. It reminded me of us sitting under the bridge listening to the hum of the water in the creek, you asking me to be your girlfriend, then going home to meet my father, and him liking you an awful lot. We went ice skating, and we were the cutest couple there, a couple of baby deer learning how to walk. Okay, I was learning how to walk when I tried by myself. With your hand in mine, you had to work to keep up with me, we conquered it all together.

Nearing the end of my senior year, my depression destroying me more and more by the day, you loved me and loved me and loved me, you did your best to pick up my pieces, and I didn't know how to return it, and you thought I didn't love you anymore. We stood outside of a beautiful building, and our future shattered. I'm so sorry. I loved you then. I love you now. I think a part of me will always love you.

We almost tried again. I got scared. I ran away, I was scared things were different, and we lost it. I regret losing it. I loved you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I tell my friends about you. They know who you are, and I tell them about my rule for myself, how I never get back with exes, because you always come back to why you left in the first place. I tell them you're the exception. How if I had one more chance, I would never let you go. I'm sorry.

I loved you, please never believe I didn't. My depression was so much heavier than I had ever known, but even when I didn't love myself, love my life, I loved you.

I'm so sorry.

The Sky's Awake


Facebook Comments Box