Dear Mom and Dad,
I am sorry for all the times that you told me I am beautiful because I looked just like you, and I told myself that I am fat and ugly. I am sorry for all the times you wanted to go out and have a treat with me, but I would decline, because I was afraid of calories. I am sorry for all the times you begged me, in tears, to tell you if I had a problem, yet I still declined. I am sorry for all the times I snapped at you, told you I wasn't hungry, and was mad that you offered me a snack. I am sorry for all the attitude I gave you when you asked, "Are you hungry? Did you eat breakfast?"
I am sorry that you slowly watched your daughter turn from a healthy, happy, girl, to a small, fragile, nervous one. I am sorry for making you feel like you did something wrong, the blame is for me only. I am sorry for making you frustrated, begging me to tell you what was the matter, but I didn't tell. I am sorry for keeping you on the outside when I should have let you in. I am sorry for sitting in my room alone, too depressed to come join in social activities because I tried to avoid food at all costs. I am sorry for the feeling you probably got when I locked the bathroom door after a meal. I am sorry for making you cry, when you took me to the doctors to get me help. I am sorry you had to the way I looked at myself.
Dear Friends,
I am so sorry for breaking our friendship. It was so strong, we had so much fun together, and we were inseparable. I am so sorry that I isolated myself from you. I am sorry for all the breakfast, lunch, and dinner dated I declined. I am sorry for making you feel like I did not want to spend time with you, preferring to sit at home, away from opportunities to eat food. I am sorry for the "Oh my god I am so fat"s when standing in front of a mirror in a changing room, though I was barely weighing enough to stay alive. I am so sorry, friends, for telling you I would always be there, and slowly disappearing. I am sorry I put up my walls when you wanted to help me. I am sorry for the secrets I kept, and the pain I hid. I am sorry for getting furious when you told me, "Wow, you need to eat more." I am sorry for replacing the happy, bubbly, best friend that you knew like the back of your hand with the girl who was now reserved, mysterious, quiet, and a huge question mark. I am sorry for becoming a person that you no longer knew. I am so sorry.
