Really, this letter if for anyone who has the same idea about someone you know who makes you want to harm them right now, but my focus is mainly on the gunman. If you’re out there and trying to plan out your days, how you’ll stay out of the radar and keep your freedom, I have a question for you. Who are you? Are you in pain? Ok, that’s two questions. And I will probably give you my opinion at the end of this letter. But honestly I have more. I was just wondering actually, how did you get to the point where your only choice in your particular situation was to take out a three year old? No, Seriously. What made you want to do it?
I picture a variety of people who could have done this and their reasons. I have been accused of being too nice and forgiving and I know my accusers are probably right on some level. They always ask, "Why does that matter? They’re scum. They deserve to burn in hell." I never argue with them, but I still try to imagine what people like you must be like.
I picture maybe you’re already aggravated and no one yet knows they’re not supposed to mess with you and that stupid old lady was the one in the wrong place at the wrong time, not knowing a selfish, hot headed jerk simply wasn’t getting there, where ever, fast enough. Or maybe, you’re a dumb kid and your parents never taught you how to properly deal with your emotions, maybe you’re a lose cannon and it was just a matter of time before you went off. Maybe it’s something darker. Maybe your dad put his cigar out on your arm when you were 7, maybe your mom did drugs in front you and maybe your dad left you and your mom for some whore. Or your mom did. Maybe you were abused and it’s not your fault you’re angry. Maybe you never had any one sit you down and tell you right from wrong. Maybe you’re a dumb kid seduced by movies and hard core music who lives a boring life and you wanted a story to tell your buddies about how bad you are. Maybe you’re one of those angry people that hates the West and you were looking for reason to prove it and took the chance to let us know it here. Maybe… maybe…. Maybe… they just keep coming to mind.
There is one maybe that I know is most likely to be true. Maybe you’ll never see this, but get a conscious and go turn yourself in and go to court and let that baby’s parents see your face and give them a miniscule bit of justice for the death of their 3 year old that they cannot get back. Maybe. But my gut tells me likely not. That almost never happens.
I don’t know the parents, living here in Ohio, but I picture them reacting the same as I would. That, maybe the parents will go on living their lives and think of you the way I do. That there had to be a good reason to take him away from his grandma and parents a week before Christmas. Maybe they’ll burry their baby in a Christmas Eve blizzard, and go about their holiday as best they can. Maybe they’ll pray for you at night and ask God to help you turn yourself in. Maybe their baby was a much loved and wanted child and they waited to have him until they were fully capable and God just wanted him back. Maybe.
Maybe they’ll take twenty years to heal. Maybe they’ll never set up their tree again or avoid the toy isle in every store they go to. Maybe they’ll choke back tears every time they see a stranger’s smiling toddler looking up at them. Maybe they’ll wait and secretly hope that they’ll get the chance to tell you what kind of a special asshole you are some day because no one ever told you to just wait until Grandma moves out of your way.
So, I'm curious. Did you get there any faster? Did you need your fix? Was your boss any better off because you were that much faster getting to work? Did your girlfriend piss you off and you just had to take it out on some one? Or maybe you were like that guy that just wanted 'something to kill' so he shot his neighbor's dogs because he felt like it. What? Tell us all, what in the hell is your reason for getting out of your car and shooting a three old boy to death at a stop sign because his grandmother was taking her time with her precious cargo in her back seat? Why couldn’t you go around her? Didn’t want the ticket? Or the points on your license? Or wait, did you already have a warrant out for your arrest and getting caught passing someone at a stop sign, if police were even around, would have got you caught? What?
Where ever you are, I hope your Christmas under the radar is a warm one, and you enjoy your family that loves you as much as that baby’s family loved him. Or maybe I don’t. Here is my opinion of you now. There was no reason for you to ruin a stranger’s holiday or dreams of a child’s growing up because of your anger. You had plenty of other choices to make and you chose that one. You’re profoundly, deeply, selfishly, morally and emotionally irresponsible, arrogant, and ignorant and insert every other curse word I can't and won't repeat in a public forum here […]. And I have news for you. I am friends with MANY people who have abuse horror stories ranging between beatings, sexual violence, drug abuse, and frequent anger issues, and guess what? They are all productive members of society. They are all colors and religions and both sexes. None of them has ever killed anyone or done the dark and evil act of murdering a child who got in their way. NONE OF THEM. They all put their efforts into making every day better and waking up again the next, and doing it again. I admire every one of them and love them as my sisters and brothers and cherish their humanity, imperfections and strengths. They are no where near perfect.
So, I want you to know this; these things always come back to us one way or another. I hope you’re prepared for the loss the universe brings you in your return karma, because I promise you, it will be immeasurably difficult to accept. But when it does happen, I hope you’ll think of the baby you took from his parents and grandma that Dec 2016 because you were in too much of a hurry to take a deep breath and calm down at a stop sign in Little Rock. And this goes for everyone this and every day who feels like taking a life and ruining the lives of all those around that innocent life, is your only answer. Merry Christmas.